What is Sloane’s Problem?

 

Late to the ACOTAR party

 

The Mason Jar Metric

As your Book Bytch Bestie, I feel the need to create a clever rating system. 

 At first I thought of swapping out the good ole 5 star system for books. So instead of 4.5 stars a novel would get an icon of 4.5 books. 

I wanted something personal and relatable. While I was sipping boxed wine out of a Mason jar, it hit me. The trusty canning staple would be my metric. The higher the number of Mason jars, the better the book. With fewer jars, I’d encourage you to spend your precious time elsewhere. 

My middle school English teacher didn’t believe in 100s. She thought each paper, in some aspect, needed improvement. 

And it’s with this type of mindset I’ll use as my guide. There will be lots of 9. 9’s but no 10 mason jars. My cynical nature will find some flaw. 

Son of Witch definitely breaks sophomore slump

There's a reason the phrase "sophomore slump" exists. The first piece of art was so fantastic that the follow-up pales in comparison. I initially thought Son of a Witch, the second volume in the Wicked Years, fell under this category. Maguire's dystopian portrayal of Oz was the basis for a hit Broadway musical and box office record-breaking film. The sequel had BIG RUBY SLIPPERS TO FILL. 

But I am not ashamed to admit that I was WRONG.

There will be spoilers sprinkled throughout this post. 

The story begins several years after Dorothy Gale defeats The Wicked Witch of the West. Elphaba's son, Liir, is found near death by Oatsie Manglehand. She is the same coach driver who took him and Elphaba to meet Fiyero's wife and kids. The coach driver drags Liir to a convent.

The nuns recognize him and immediately tend to his care. 

The Mother Superior has a "mute" novice named Candle to tend to him. But she is a gifted musician. The mother's superior asks Candle to play for the invalid.

 Candle's music penetrates Liir's psyche, and his story is told through flashbacks.

 It felt like the book was written in such a way that I was experiencing flashbacks, not Liir.

We learn that he was on a quest to find his half-sister Nor. He'd bonded with her while he and his mother were guests. She was the only one of his half-siblings to show him kindness. 

Candle monitors Liir's health closely. And forms a one-way bond with him. She even warmed him with her body heat to keep him from freezing. Candle's diligent caretaking gives Liir the strength to escape the coma.

Once he's lucid, he and Candle are advised that he should finish healing in an abandoned farmhouse.

There, Liir learns that Candle can speak and is very resourceful. Her music enables her to adopt a hen and a goat for survival. As part of his strength training, Liir collects wood. Soon, he finds that he can complete tasks with ease.

The stronger he gets, the more confident he feels about revealing his past to Candle. She convinces him to return to his quest and fulfill the promises he made. He disagrees with her, but she insists it is getting "too crowded" in the house. Liir has complex emotions about women. He was certain he loved Candle but wasn't sure how to label their relationship.

His mother didn't show affection and hardly acknowledged him.

He fell in love with Dorothy because she spoke freely, and he wasn't used to women showing emotion. Then, he found himself resenting her when she made the old French exit and headed to Kansas. 

Unsurprisingly, he awkwardly asks if he and Candle are a couple. She is Quadling and doesn't understand the concept of "couple."" Liir explains that 1 + 1 = 2. She nods and responds that in Quadling, 1 + 1 = both.

Satisfied, Liir goes back to his original quest to find Nor. He enlists the help of Glinda. She puts Liir in contact with a guide who will help him search the Southstair prisons for Nor. The guide happens to be his rakish Uncle Shell Thropp. (Shell is unaware of his relation to the boy.) This dude ends up being the Emperor and is behind some of the horrific treatment towards animals. Shell Thropp literally banged prisoners for information only to later be regarded as a saint. 

The part that really got me was when Liir came home to the Apple Press and was shocked to find that Candle was pregnant. He scolds her for fucking the entire town while he is away. But maintains that he'll take care of her and the baby. Candle insists the baby is his. However, Liir is adamant they have never slept together. 

Remember when she "warmed him up"? I suspect this is when the deed occurred. 

Long story short, Liir has to do a few more life-threatening tasks before he can receive an idea of his half-sister's location. When he returns to an empty farmhouse, he's panic-stricken. He can't believe that Candle left and took the baby. Then, he sees something moving in his cape (Elphaba's old cape). Candle had left the baby and run off. She had given birth to a girl. And the girl was green!!!!

I want to go back and read this again. I want to pay attention to the shift in Candle. She initially tells Liir that she’s have “their” baby. But the further along she got,  she called the baby “hers”. Candle was short and dissmissive. My first thought is of course, she’s hella pregnant. But I wonder how much of Elphaba’s blood impacted Candle’s mood… 

Highly recommend. 

The Five Stages of Wicked

 

There is a part of me that deep down knows the moment I start watching a musical; it will become my life.

I knew Wicked would consume me. The film is part of the zeitgeist and it seemed like everywhere I looked I was bombarded with all things Wicked. 

Whenever I saw a commercial for the movie, I made a point to leave the room. 

My husband, Josh, really wanted to see it. But I told him it was a hard pass. The initial "no" was based an overwhelming amount of reels that showed hoards of people cosplaying in theaters.

N

I'd rather wait to stream it because I didn't want to listen to some theater kid belting out the lyrics and ruining my experience.

 

  

My sister, Elizabeth, called on Thanksgiving, raving about the film. "You should watch it, I sang all the way home. I gotta know what you think. Cynthia Erivo is incredible!" 

Elizabeth has the discerning taste of a seasoned critic. She has no qualms about telling me if my stories are shit. Seriously, feelings be damned. She's an Aquarius and hard-wired to say the truth.  

I promised I'd see the movie once it was available to stream.

Then one of my dear friends, Mattlan, messaged me.

He was the third person to mention watching Wicked. I'm superstitious, so when three people ask me within three days if I've done something, I feel that I have to do it. 

 

We got tickets for the 3:45 PM showing that day. 

Josh and I watched Wicked in 3D at a theater outside Baltimore. The theater was packed, except for the front row, which was where we sat. 

I imbibed not one but two green Wicked-themed cocktails. The flying scenes made me nauseous. A small price to pay for such a riveting experience.

                                    

Wicked taught me that Elphaba is more of a victim of circumstance than an outright villain. Cynthia Erivo played the part to perfection. Ariana Grande's depiction of Glinda was absolutely remarkable. The "Good Witch" was a self-absorbed, spoiled brat who made decisions in her own self-interest. The sinister thing about Glinda was her beauty and charm, which made her actions or inactions seem almost excusable.

I'd be hard-pressed to tell you whose performance I enjoyed more. Both Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo were incredible, and they deserved their Oscar nods. I left the theater crying and wanting to find out what happened after the two friends parted ways.

My baby cousin's school had a book fair fundraiser at a popular bookstore. I purchased the entire Wicked series. A win win in my book. Her school gets a kickback and I'd find out the…truth. 

SPOILER ALERT

Not so fast. The book is different from the film in so many ways. For starters, Elphaba was born, and all the midwives wanted her dead. Her mother also wanted the child dead but reached out to her childhood Nanny for help. The nanny was disappointingly human. Nessa Rose is born without arms and is deeply religious—so much so that when she ascends to the Eminent Thropp position, she rules with cruelty and is known as the Wicked Witch of the East. 

Other details shocked me. I'm an emotional reader. Finishing this book was akin to going through the five stages of grief—but instead, I'll call it the five stages of Wicked. Here are five takeaways that rocked my world.

Denial: Finding out that Elphaba's parents were in a throuple.  

Nothing could have prepared me for Elphaba's minister father admitting to sharing a lover with her mother. The movie paints Elphaba's mother in a negative light. But the book explains that Melena's promiscuity was an act of rebellion. She didn't want to take her place as the Eminent Thropp(highest position in Munchkinland), so she married the minister Frex. 

While her husband was off spreading the Unionist gospel, Melena took a Quadling lover named Turtle Heart. Elphaba would later learn that they were all lovers. Nessa Rose was the favorite because her father was most likely Turtle Heart. Frex believed that she was an amalgamation of Frex, Turtle Heart, and Melena. I wasn't prepared for this revelation.

Anger: Finding out that the Wizard is Elphaba's father.

Elphaba learns from the Clock of the Time Dragon that the Wizard is her biological father. She confronts him. He reveals that she is an experiment and is essentially the product of two different worlds.

This is also the dude who promised Dorothy that killing Elphaba would be the child's one-way ticket back to Kansas and then flew away like the coward he was.

Bargaining: I prayed to the Unnamed God on Elphaba's behalf. Despite knowing her fate was determined, at least the Witch could find forgiveness for her part in Fiyero's death.

Elphaba and Fiyero definitely had chemistry despite his marriage to Sarima and the fact that he is a father to three children. Fiyero found excuses to rendezvous with Elphaba in her hovel. His devotion to Elphaba led to his execution. The Witch is consumed with guilt and tries to atone for her sins by doing acts of service in a monastery. Several years later, she decides to leave and tell Fiyero's wife about his death and ask for her forgiveness. Much to her dismay, Sarima refuses to hear of Fiyero's demise. Since there isn't a body for the "widow" to bury, he must be alive somewhere. Thus, Elphaba is never able to receive forgiveness.

Depression: Elphaba and Fiyero have a love child, Liir. The boy is born under mysterious circumstances and has never been told the true story of his lineage. Elphaba refuses to answer questions and gives him tasks instead of proper instruction. She does care, but not having had parental love, she has no idea how to give it to her son.

After learning Elphaba's side of Liir's birth, I'm almost convinced that she isn't sure. The Witch arrived at the monastery in a dazed state. Prior to her death, she asks Liir what he would wish for. She doesn't hear him when he says that he wants to learn about his father. Ugh. It was heartbreaking. 

Acceptance: Finding out the lion cub Fiyero and Elphaba rescued was the Cowardly Lion.

I loved how Maguire tied this dystopian world of Oz with the original. I hadn't been expecting this nugget. I was beyond overjoyed. Despite Elphaba and Fiyero's death, their work to save Animals wasn't done in vain.

Maybe the real Wizard is the person responsible for making this R rated novel family friendly.

I highly recommend this book. Definitely worth spending your nights sipping wine and slipping into Oz.